I noticed this incredibly beautiful woman on Facebook the other day and started chatting with her on messenger. We plan on meeting up at a concert this weekend. So far so good right?

I thought it would be a good idea to get to know each other  better before Saturday. Here is my message to her.

Greg DeLange
Greg DeLange

at this point I'm thinking PERFECT!! she's gonna get a little scared and then I can utilize my smooth moves on her. (respectfully)

Greg DeLange
Greg DeLange

I can protect her from that creepy clown!!...my plan is working.

Little did I know asking a woman to a scary movie on the first date is a big NO NO. According to friends and coworkers, I'm the worst for suggesting a scary movie.

Immediately I went into ninja mode...I need a different strategy! I know! I'll use my sweet pick-up lines!

"does this rag smell like chloroform to you"


"If you were a fruit you'd be a FINEAPPLE"


"my doctor says I need more vitamin U"


"Do you know what my shirt is made of? Boyfriend material".


"I don't have a library card, but do you mind if I check you out?"

"Are you a parking ticket? 'Cause you've got fine written all over you."


"Is your nickname Chapstick? Because you’re da balm!"


"Did you read Dr. Seuss as a kid? Because green eggs and... damn!"


Pretty sure my evil plan is working ... I'm wearing her down.


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