As you well know, I'm probably the best user of Facebook on the planet. If they gave a Nobel Prize for it, I'd have about 8. I notice a lot of people doing it wrong, so here's a list of No-Nos.

1. No "living the life" brags: "Guess who just got promoted!" "Off to Hawaii!" "Love my new Audi!"

2. No "disguised brags": "Ugh, my boss said I'm the best employee in the company so he gave me more work." "I got picked up on nine times tonight. Can't a girl just enjoy a drink?" "Wow, my new tax bracket is really a drag. I wish I'd known that about my new job."

3. No PEAs (Public Expressions of Affection): "I'm the luckiest wife in the world." "It's so wonderful waking up to the most beautiful woman."

4. No Cryptic Cliffhangers: "This could be a big day." "I can't believe what just happened." "That was one intense phone call."

5. No everyday updates: "On my way to class and then a full day of work." "Off to the grocery store then the gym." "Watching TV. Must go to bed."

6. No public messages to a specific person: "Sorry about what I said. I'll see you tonight." "I saw that shirt you like in the mall, should I buy it for you?" "Don't forget milk on your way home."

7. No generic/obvious comments about stuff everyone is talking about: "My heart goes out to everyone in __________." "I'm just so saddened by today's news."

8. No out of nowhere Oscar speeches: "I just want to give a shout out to everyone who has made such a difference in my life and made me the person I am today. I couldn't have done it without you and all the support."

9. Unsolicited spiritual wisdom: "Peace comes from being happy with what you don't have." "Love comes from opening yourself up to accepting what is already there."

10. No infantile political rhetoric: "Thank you for the government shut down everyone who voted for [insert any politician here]."