Chuck Hall’s Top 5 Christmas Ear Aches

No. 5 on my list was sang by a group of talented girls known as SheDaisy. They took a classic and turned it into a train wreck. Jingle Bells is a song you just sing, you don't try and over-harmonize and turn it into a science project gone terrible wrong. The first time I heard this rendition, I wanted to take an ice pick and puncture my own ear drums.

No. 4 on the my stop the bad Christmas music list is Sir Paul McCartney and wings un-inspired 'Wonderful Christmas' I know, let's make some techno noises, play some groovy little beat, and sing the same 7 or 8 words over and over for about 4 minutes, yeah, that ought to do it. The first 5 times I hear this song I'm satisfied, after that when I hear it, I beg that I get hit in the head with a piano and go into a coma until after Christmas.

No. 3 stop on the madness tour: Santa Baby -- the Madonna version. Dear Madonna, we know you have gone above and beyond in you're career to prove just how, boy how do I put this, 'open' to new things. Hey, not like a virgin, leave Santa to the kids. Don't even sing about him like you're hitting on him, it's a little creepy.

No. 2 on the list is a very confusing song, really has no beat and you can't dance to it: Trans-Siberian Orchestra's 'Christmas Eve, Sarajevo.' What the French toast is going on here? I believe the producer put about 100 people in a room each playing a different instrument, told them all to just play something on the count of three, then hit record on the cassette player. There is way too much stuff going on in this song. Producer: "Here is our Christmas song, we will play it loud and shove it right down your throat, say AHHHHH!" If Godzilla ate an orchestra and then threw them back up, this is the sound it would make.

No. 1 on my list as the worst Christmas song, by a large margin... Wham! 'Last Christmas.' I don't even know where to begin. If you are singing about a relationship from a year ago you have no life, or you are a stalker. Good Lord, Wham. Go buy a video game, you'll forget about ole what's-her-name in no time. From the cheesy 80's beat, to George Michael's crying about last Christmas, I know why they called the group Wham! Every time I hear that song I wish someone would wham me in the head with a frying pan. You want to keep illegal aliens out of the states? Play this song loud at the Canadian and Mexican borders 24/7. Trust me, two minutes of this song and they'll be building the wall.