Don’t Be Skimpy On Father’s Day – Chuck’s Top 10 WORST Gift Ideas
Like your mom, dads put up with a lot from their kids over the course of a lifetime. So when it comes to a Father’s Day gift, put a little thought into it! If possible, something like a nice dinner with the family members he likes (leave the son-in-law he can’t stand home; it is his day). If he collects things like hats, baseball cards or old tools, buy him something that will enhance his collection. I have put together a list of 10 things that should never be given to dad on his special day. Pay attention:
10) Tape Dispenser. If your dad works in an office or has a desk in his den at home, nothing says “I put no thought whatsoever into a Father’s Day gift” like office supplies.
9) Socks. I’m pretty sure your dad has worn socks before, and knows what he likes and dislikes about footwear. And if he really needs socks he will probably foot the $6 bill himself.
8) Fruit Basket. Let’s be honest here, any kind of basket is wrong unless it’s full of gift certificates to tool stores or gas cards. Cheese, crackers and sausage wrapped in plastic says, “I bought you this so I could have something to snack on at your party.” What a loser.
7) A Wallet. No, no, no! Like his hair style, a dad will carry a wallet with him everywhere he goes. This is his choice, not yours.
6) Subscription to ‘Home and Garden’ Magazine. If dad doesn’t have a green thumb you may get an ant farm on your next birthday from dear old dad. What goes around comes around, just saying.
5) Sweaters. For the love of all that’s right and good in this world, nothing goes to the deepest depths of a dad’s closet or to a garage sale faster than a sweater. Buy him a rabid badger before you fork out money on a sweater. Are we clear on this?
4) Gift certificate to Bed, Bath and Beyond. Nuff said. Ya jackass!
3) Fish Tank. I have heard that fish tanks have a soothing effect when you sit and watch the fish swim in harmony. And the bubbling noise is almost hypnotic. If you want dad to relax, leave him alone and shut your mouth when he’s watching the History Channel’s “World War Two Greatest Battles” marathon. Or, put a piranha in the tank so when he has a bad day he can drop a goldfish in the tank and pretend it’s his boss — or the crazy neighbor that always wants to borrow stuff.
2) Lawn Tools. Unless it’s a riding lawnmower, keep those grass clippers, gloves, fertilizer spreader, and Weed Wacker in your garage. “Happy Father’s Day! Now get out there and clean up the yard.” Why not just strip him naked and drag him through broken glass,and drop him into a swimming pool full of lemonade?
1) Jewelry. No dad wants a necklace with the “World’s Greatest Dad” medallion, or a bracelet that makes your bones feel better. Rings? OUT! Forget the gold chain; buy him a gold bar so he can melt it down and buy what he wants — like a plane ticket to somewhere away from here.
He’s your dad; don’t screw it up this year with a coffee card, moron.